There's Absolutely No Excuse

Some of you may have heard about this, but when I saw this earlier today - I was seriously infuriated.

For those of you who are unaware of the store, Urban Outfitters is a retailer that sells everything from clothes to shit for your apartment. I never had a real problem with them, but it bothers me how they try really painfully hard to be trendy in that artsy, "oh-look-at-me-wearing-a-blazer-with-pajama-pants-because-I'm-so-hippie-chic" type of way. If you shop there, that's all well and good, but they've officially ticked me off in a whole new way.

Although they pulled this lapse in judgement from their website, the fact that it even happened says enough about their company to make me forget they ever existed. Let's not forget that it can still be purchased in stores, though:

Eat. Less.

Are you seriously kidding me???

If anyone has any connections to the company,

PLEASE feel free to send them the following words

COURTESY OF KELL:

Dear Urban Outfitters (and Richard Hayne - your noble chairman),

As an extremely popular retailer not only in the United States, but in several other countries around the world - I would think you would have a grip on who makes up your main customer demographic. You focus in on the 18-30 age group and obviously, you've taken interest in "connecting" with your shoppers since your website states: Our established ability to understand our customers and connect with them on an emotional level is the reason for our success. So you understand your customers, right? You know what they like and what types of lifestyles they lead, correct? Would you say you realize that people in that age group, especially women, are extremely impressionable - especially when it comes to brand names and the media? I know - you probably know all of this since you have already established the ability to connect with them on an emotional basis ... but if you don't mind, I'd like to share something with you that you clearly do not know about your target demographic:

- 1 out of every 100 young women between 10-20 years old is starving herself, sometimes to death.

- Four percent (4%), or 4 out of 100, college-age women have bulimia.

- Approximately 1-2% of late adolescent or adult women suffer from bulimia.

- During the last 30 days, 6.3% of students nationwide had taken diet pills, powders, or liquids without a doctor’s advice to lose weight or to keep from gaining weight.

- Nationwide, 12.3% of high school students had gone without eating for 24 hours or more to lose weight or to keep from gaining weight during the last 30 days.

(courtesy of sadd.org)

I know you've pulled the shirt from the website, but just like you can't unsay something stupid that's already come out of your mouth - I will make sure people don't forget about this little "oopsie daisy". What exactly was the point of this shirt? You're doing business in a world that is constantly trying to reassure the 18-30 year olds to embrace their inner beauty, live healthy lifestyles, and be confident ... and you're selling this?  Are you trying to set us back? Eating disorders kill thousands of people every year - mainly females in your demographic. So before you open your mouth and start spouting to the public that you understand your customers on an emotional level, try not to sell a shirt that promotes a potentially deadly disorder that over 8 million Americans alone suffer from everyday.

I will never set foot into one of your stores again.

Sincerely,

Kell

The 3 Deadly Sins of Eyeliner

Eyeliner is a great tool when it comes to enhancing your eyes. Let's clear that up before this post takes a turn for the worst. It's meant to enhance your eyes, not smother them. It's a great way to darken up your lash line, add definition, and make your eyes appear wider.

I am starting to think that states need to start making girls take a test in order to be allowed to wear eyeliner - because holy CRAP. I have seen some flippin' DISASTERS.

I understand that eyeliner is a hard one to master. I'll admit that when I first started wearing makeup, I avoided liner like the plague because of one bad experience. It's not exactly natural to place a pencil basically IN your eyeball - but like everything else, practice makes perfect. My issue here isn't with the girls who openly admit they suck at eyeliner, it's with the ones who think they are good at eyeliner and are actually the ones committing these beauty-related felonies. If you can't do eyeliner and you know you can't do eyeliner, baby - it's gonna be okay. Breathe. Right now, I'm going to show you right now the 3 things you need to avoid in order to maintain somewhat of a decent look going on in and around the eyes. As long as you steer clear of these masterpieces, you're gonna be fine just fine.

Sin Number 1 - The Cat Tail

There is a big.. and I mean BIG.. difference between doing a winged out edge and committing the sin I prefer to refer to as "the cat tail". The cat tail consists of simply drawing a line anywhere from a half an inch to an inch STRAIGHT outward from your lashline. It's not thick and it's not thin.. it's just - a stupid LINE. A "winged out" look is meant to give your eyes more shape and define them. You keep it close to your lashline and you just angle the liner up SLIGHTLY upwards. It's meant to look chic. I'm curious as to what the girls wearing this look think this does for them. The only shape it's creating is a random horizontal line poking out from the corner of your eyeball and the only thing it's defining is the fact that you might have no idea what you're doing with an eyeliner pencil. I also want to add that many a chick who commits this sin are also guilty of the disco on my browbone trend. A true match made in heaven if you ask me.

Sin Number 2 - The Close But No Cigar

This one is my personal favorite. Basically, the "close but no cigar" consists of a mysterious floating line positioned way too far above the lash line. I am 100% confident that this is due to the fear of stabbing yourself in the eye with the pencil - but I can promise you that the number of girls who have gone blind due to eyeliner stabs to the cornea is probably pretty low. In fact, it's probably 0. This does nothing flattering at all. ever. period. It's downright confusing. And the funny thing is, I see a lot of older girls do this (and by older I mean like 20's & 30's). It's just lazy to me. You couldn't have taken the additional 15 seconds to concentrate on what you were doing to make even a little tighter of a line? Was it worth it? Did you spend that extra time you saved by drawing a random line 1/4ths of the way up your eyelid doing something AWESOME???? Touching your eyelashes with the pencil is not going to make them spontaneously combust - that I can assure you of.

and finally -

Sin Number 3 - The Black Line of Death

I don't like hooker-esque eye makeup, ESPECIALLY eyeliner. Personally, I think a TON of eyeliner looks trashy and it actually makes your eyes look SMALLER, totally defeating it's purpose. The "black line of death" is probably the most common amongst those who think they are makeup gurus when in fact they're committing heinous felonies like this on a daily basis. A line.. actually, excuse me - CHUNK of jet black eyeliner that goes halfway up your eyelid is not okay. I see that you winged it out, nice touch - but you still look like an idiot. I'm not sure who put it into the heads of these divas that a lot of eyeliner is sexy (we can probably thank Jenna Jameson) - but I can assure you that it's a very dated look and it makes you look like you have creepy little raccoon eyes in pictures. Lay off.

I hope that some of you agree with me on these looks and for those of you who struggle with liner - I'll do a little tutorial soon that offers up some tips and tricks that might make it easier for you. Remember that you can touch your eyelashes with the pencil and that less is almost always more. Hang in there, bb's, & I'll talk to you soon!

Disco On My Browbone.. YOU'RE INVITED!

Now I'm all about experimenting with your makeup looks every now and then. If you wanna try a new color, do something different with the eyeliner, etc... I'm all about that. I love playing around with different looks and it's always nice when you discover something new actually looks really fantastic on you. But as me and my friend Julia sat at Primanti Brothers last night watching the pens game - she brought up a subject that we both agreed we hated and we both agreed is plauging facebook pictures left and right.

This brings me to my main point: there is a fine FINE line between putting a highlight color on your brow bone and transforming yourself into something along the lines of, oh, say.... this:

or maybe even ...

I'm pretty sure even Snooki would be ashamed.

Thankfully, I do not know these gems in real life (you can thank Google Images), but I see their loyal followers every freakin' day. Repeat after me ladies: metallic silver does not belong on the brow bone. A shimmery SUBTLE silver color used simply as a highlight up there that you can hardly see because it's a freaking HIGHLIGHT? Yes, this is ok. Take this for example, it's a silver highlight without looking like she let her 5 year old sister do her makeup in the dark:

IT'S SUBTLE! Do you see that ladies? The lovely Jen from frmheadtotoe.com still has a highlight going on, but it's not giving me the - "there's a disco on my browbone .. grab your platform shoes and HUSTLE ON OVER." It compliments her look - doing exactly what it's supposed to. APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE!

Sometimes even the more opaque white-ish colors up there don't look nearly as bad.. but when you're going for full on WHITE or full on SILVER - sorry, bby - but you're not looking cute. I'm not even positive about the look that platinum brow bones is attempting to create. Like, are you thinking "okay, I will totally look like a mature club-goer if I wear this to a party. Guys will look at me and say - yeah look at her hot sexy metal brow bones. Break me off a piece of that." In reality, those girls in the corner are calling you "bozo" and that kid you thought you were seducing just told his friends that your shiny new brow bones were blinding him everytime the light hit them the wrong way. There's nothing cute about this look. Nothing. Im all about a dramatic smokey eye on the lid, but keep the party down there. There's no need to add a second floor. And what kills me is that 90% of the girls that do this don't even bother with another color. They use the same BRIGHT ASS SILVER color on the lid, in the crease, and then they just take it ALL the way up to the eyebrow. WHAT IS THAT?!?!? It's not quite as bad when there's at least a darker color in the crease or something to break up the madness - but it's still not okay. The entire point of highlighting your brow bone is to brighten your EYES and give your look some depth. When you throw all the action up there, you do the total and complete opposite. You fail. Don't pass go, don't collect $200, just go home and wash your face.

I know you ladies know what I'm talking about, too. So share with me what you think of this look that needs to be banished to the underworld. Cheers to knowing how to correctly highlight your browbone & not taking part in this horrid, terrible trend. It doesn't make you look older. It doesn't make you look hotter. It just makes you look like you don't know how to do your flippin makeup.