First World Problems: The Duck Face and The Snarl Face

Social media is annoying as hell. I use the shit out of it, but it's freaking annoying. I always say that Facebook makes me hate people, because it does. Nobody wants to know your full week's agenda via your status and for the love of all things good in the world, stop posting pictures of yourself at the bar with the same people every freaking weekend.

I have significantly cut down on the number of people I friend on there, but there are some people that you have to keep around strictly for entertainment purposes. You know you do the exact same thing, too.

But anyways, moving on to why I'm writing this post. The phenomenon of self-portraits really started taking off with the introduction of Myspace like 6-7 years ago (yeah, how old did that make you feel?). And I'm not fronting at all, I take pictures of myself for my profile picture. I've tried asking my roommate to take 50-60 pictures of me while i tilt my head/smile in different ways before, but it ended up being awkward, so I figured I would just do it myself.

That was sarcasm, by the way.

I understand taking a picture of yourself every now and again. You look good? Awesome, that took effort. Take a cute picture and make it your profile shot. Whatever. You'll get compliments. That's what it's all about. So this is certainly not bashing that.

It is, however, bashing 2 faces that have somehow gained popularity. It is AMAZING TO ME that these have become a trend. Absolutely freaking astonishing that more than one, let alone THOUSANDS and POSSIBLY MILLIONS of people, have photographed themselves making one of these two faces and actually thought that they looked good.

The Duck Face: Ahh the duck face. A combonation between a kissy face and looking like you just smelled a pile of festering manure. I don't know what it is about enhanced marionette lines and a wrinkly upper lip that seems so appealing to females, but please believe me when I say that this is doing nothing for you. Pair it with a peace sign and you need to go right on ahead and sit the eff down. Nothing about the duck face will ever be okay. EVER. And I really need someone to explain to me how this got popular. Does it say "look at my lips. i don't give a fuck, i'm a bad ass", or is it meant to convey something like "look at my lips. i am sweet and pouty, buy me a diamond." Either way, target missed. What I'm picking up is along the lines of "look at my lips. i am immature and have way too much bronzer on. I am the reason social media sucks."

The Snarl Face: A relatively new phenomenon in the social media world is the snarl face. The snarl face is a combination of bearing your teeth like a rabid dog and curling your upper lip. I am going to thank Lady GaGa for this one. But here is a newsflash. You are not Lady GaGa, and unless it's Halloween - this isn't okay. If you're in front of your webcam wearing an Aeropostale hoodie with your hair in a messy ponytail making this face, go back to bed. And the worst part is, 90% of the people making this face do not need to be showing the world their teeth. And I am not being disrespectful, I am being honest. I don't need to see your braces stains, and if you have wonky teeth and you're making this face and making it your profile picture... just... *face palm*. A snarl has never been attractive. It never has been and it never will be. I don't know what the purpose of this one is. Is it - "I have to fart and it hurts?" or maybe something like "check out my gums". I can't even think of anything logical here so if you have any idea at all, clue me in.

Can we stick to smiles from now on.... please? I don't care if it's a closed mouth smile, one that shows a little bit of your teeth, one that is kind of crooked, one that is more of a smirk. ANYTHING SMILE RELATED WORKS. If you are ducking it or snarling at me - step away from the camera. Come back when you are in a more stable mindset. These are not trendy. They never will be. Can we please end this.

I'd actually love to see a family portrait featuring mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, kids, baby, everyone making either the duck face or the snarl. Stick that one on the Christmas card.