Lipgloss & Lies

Nothing ticks me off more than when a product is all about doing something and then you get it & it does nothing of the sort. It'd be like me buying a car and then realizing there's no way to turn it on.

Well, if I'd have known that - I wouldn't have bought the damn thing.. now would I?

But that's the glory of marketing. Glorious, glorious marketing. I can't hate on it too much since my college degree is in that glorious industry of persuasion and lies, but it doesn't make me any less pissed off when I pay money for something and it's marketing was a complete and total load of b.s. This tends to happen alot in the cosmetics industry. Just ask anyone who has bought drugstore mascara.

Today's featured bullshitter is Venom Flash by DuWop.

I've been intrigued by this brand for awhile. It's not that I'd necessarily heard amazing things about it - but for some reason it always caught my eye. I'd never seen it in a store or anything, so when I put in an order with Apothica recently, I threw it in my cart. It was on sale (sort of) for $13.60 down from $17. It's a plumping lipgloss, which I typically hate.. but THIS ONE promised me "bee stung lips without the pain".. It even stated it was ideal for "those who want full, plump lips with a warm shimmer without irritation."

SIGN ME UP, VENOM. YOU'RE SPEAKIN' MY LANGUAGE.

So the little shit comes in the mail in this cardboard tube, 

I pull it out, and my face immediately goes like this:

The thing is smaller than my pinkie. It's TINY. Maybe my dumbass should've looked at the 0.12 fl oz listing on the description, but call me crazy for thinking I'd get a full sized lipgloss for $13. It's too small. It's almost laughably small. Sample size small.

So I put it on my lips. It's a smooth consistency, gives sort of a "nude/gold/pink" shimmer which is nice. The applicator is a brush which I wasn't expecting. Overall, it's a nice non-sticky gloss that looks pretty on lips. I was digging it at first, I really was.

Then I went downstairs.

OW. OW. OW. OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW.

No pain? No IRRITATION? None, Venom? Really? You said there'd be none. You didn't say "with slightly less irritation" or "less pain than others". You said NONE. 

I'll tell you what two words I would use to describe the sensation that took place for about 20 minutes on my lips - painful and irritating. It wasn't really tingly - just more of a straightforward OUCH. It smells like cinnamon and it feels kind of like you're running a cheese grater covered in cinnamon over your lips. It's really refreshing. Especially first thing in the morning. 

And there's the clincher. To me, my lips don't look any bigger, they just look shinier. The top one might have juiced up a smidge, but that's only after studying this picture closely. I asked my mom and she said she couldn't see a difference. With the sensation I was experiencing - I was honestly expecting to look in the mirror and see Angelina.

So overall, do I like Venom Flash? It could be worse. But you companies who get off charging $13 for a product the size of a goddamn SAMPLE ... and then on top of that, it doesn't even do what it promises? You kill me. That's irritating. How are you going to say your product doesn't irritate lips when it clearly does? I know it might not be as bad as some plumpers, but why can't they just say that!? Instead of saying "no irritation" say "significantly less".. people would still buy it! But since you chose to pick your words *not exactly wisely* - this happened. And I'll be singing your criticisms all over town.

Me, and my lips, are irritated.