For those of you who are new - the aforementioned halloween post is hard to top. It's one of my all-time favorites. So I decided that since it got a great response last year when my reader base was a lot smaller - why not bring it back this year and let all you newbies take in the glory of it, too?
So I proudly present to you all - the Bitchy Halloween Post:
Good morning, ladies & gents. Let me just kick this post off by saying that I am thrilled - actually, I am BEYOND THRILLED that fall is here. Boyfriend & myself live for fall and more specifically - Halloween. We take our haunted adventures very seriously and we have a list of Haunted Houses in the area that we must hit. It doesn't hurt to have a gaggle of friends that also love the Spookin' time of year, so we always have something to do on October weekends.
I made a facebook status update regarding this last night and I have been thinking about it ever since. There are two Halloween costumes that I HATE. I don't know how familiar any of you are with the classy foundation known as "Leg Avenue" - but they are the producers of those slutty costumes that have been becoming more & more popular each year. You know the ones, the series of Wizard of Oz characters gone whore-ish, and who could forget the series of "storybook characters" that are all the SAME DRESS in different colors with a stamp of clip-art on the apron of the dress signifying which "character" the girl is supposed to be (ex. Little Bo Peep has a lamb. Little Miss Muffet has a spider. Mind blowingly creative). These wouldn't bother me so much if:
1. They weren't $40 - $75 .. these things are made with the quality of.. a dollar store water gun.
2. EVERY SINGLE GIRL ON THE PLANET DIDN'T WEAR THEM
3. They actually FIT. There is no happy medium here, people. I've seen a maximum of maybe 5 people pull these off without looking like either a stuffed sausage or the complete opposite, and having it hang off of their body in the most unflattering ways.
I won't leave you hanging any longer, here are the two that I want to simultaneously scream, cry, and laugh all at the same time when I see them being paraded around:
Ahhhhh, the referree. Let me start out by telling you that this costume is made out of that tissue papery fabric that does not stretch, so it wrinkles very easily. This makes it even more hilarious when slutty Sally's skirt is bent in every direction and she looks like a hot mess. Let's not ignore the "69" on the boob, either. The reason I hate this costume so much is that I am 100% convinced that when girls resort to this get-up, it is solely to make men think that they are remotely interested in sports. The facebook pictures that follow are my favorite though.. The whistle is always in the mouth.. they find a guy dressed like a football player and have their friend (who is probably dressed like Little Miss Muffet, you'll be able to tell if there's a clip art iron on of a spider on her apron) take a picture of them WITH THE WHISTLE IN THE MOUTH, spanking him. Oh, the creative options really are endless. And for some reason, the hair is ALWAYS in pigtails. I knew that was standard in the NFL & NHL that the refs wear their hair in pigtails, but lighten up girls! You don't have to do everything by the book - it's Halloween, have a little fun! -_-
This is my second favorite because seriously.. what the fuck are you? The description on the website reads "Raspberry Girl". Seriously, I get that they're probably trying to channel a strawberry shortcake vibe - but this is probably one of the dumbest costumes ever. The best part ever is that this elaborate outfit retails for SEVENTY FREAKING DOLLARS. Tell me.. how badly do you want to be a raspberry girl? At least the ref was only $40.. but this?! SEVENTY?!?! Where do these people get off charging that much money for this catastrophe?? Are you willing to spend TEN HOURS of minimum wage work in order to acquire this brilliant costume? Actually, if you had $1 for everytime someone asked you "What are you supposed to be?" - you'd probably make your money back, and then some. So maybe go for that strategy.
Alright, I'm done.. Really. I can't wait to go out on Halloween (2010 EDIT - this year we're being the leg lamp and the pink nightmare from the movie "A Christmas Story") & see these two gems out in full force. I'll be sure to go up to raspberry girl & tell her what a wonderful raspberry girl she makes. She looks just like the real one! Oh wait.. there is no real one? You're just a girl in green and pink with a stupid hat on? My bad.
And to any of my followers who were ever either of these costumes. Don't take offense, just please make better choices in the following years regarding who you'll be dressing up as. Remember that Raspberry Girl doesn't exist & that you don't need to spend $40 on a cheaply made referree dress in order to make men think you like football. In the words of Hannah Montana - "everybody makes mistakes.. everybody has those days".
And to any of my followers who were ever either of these costumes. Don't take offense, just please make better choices in the following years regarding who you'll be dressing up as. Remember that Raspberry Girl doesn't exist & that you don't need to spend $40 on a cheaply made referree dress in order to make men think you like football. In the words of Hannah Montana - "everybody makes mistakes.. everybody has those days".
xoxo
